The One Thing You Need To Do To Avoid Weight Loss Failure (And It’s Probably Not What You Think!)

I know I talk a lot about the science of weight loss on this blog. A LOT. And the reason I do that is because honestly, I think it’s the most important piece of the puzzle—understanding how your body works, and why you’ve struggled to lose weight in the past.

But that doesn’t mean that there’s not a lot of other factors that can play into your ability to actually LOSE weight and keep it off. And today, I want to talk about one of those other factors—the one thing that I’ve seen time and time again that can be the difference between success and failure in your weight loss journey.

Because the truth is that even when you know EXACTLY what you need to do to lose weight, it’s not always as easy as just flipping a switch and making it happen. And if you’ve been struggling to lose weight, or if you’ve lost weight in the past only to gain it all back, then you probably already know exactly what I’m talking about.

It’s not a lack of knowledge that’s holding you back. It’s what’s going on inside your head. It’s your mindset. And that’s what we’re going to be diving into today.

Hey there, and welcome back to the Thinlicious blog. My name is Ruth Soukup, and I am the founder of Thinlicious and the creator of the Thin Adapted System, as well as the New York Times bestselling author of 7 books.

And if this is your first time reading this blog, then you should also know that I am pretty much obsessed with one thing—helping women over 40 create FREEDOM in their lives by transforming their health. I like to think of it as starting a health revolution, and that’s really what this blog is all about.

It’s about questioning the status quo, and doing your own research, and not just accepting what the so-called experts and gurus and big food and big pharma want you to believe, and then using that knowledge to make real, lasting changes in your life that actually make a difference.

And honestly, if that gets you fired up, then I think you’re going to like it here, and you’re going to LOVE this blog!

But I also know that changing your mindset and the way you think about food and health and weight loss is not always easy. In fact, it’s usually the hardest part. And that’s why I wanted to spend some time talking about it today—because honestly, it’s something that I don’t think we talk about enough.

We’re so quick to blame our bodies, or our genetics, or our metabolism, or even our age. We’re so quick to look for the next quick fix or magic pill that will help us lose weight without having to actually change the way we eat or the way we think about food. We’re so quick to make excuses, or to give up as soon as things get a little bit hard.

And I get it, because I’ve been there too. I’ve struggled with my weight for most of my life. I’ve tried all the diets. I’ve lost weight and gained it back. I’ve blamed my body, and my age, and my metabolism. I’ve made excuses. I’ve given up.

And honestly, that’s why I’m so passionate about this work, and about helping other women to transform their health. Because I know what it’s like to struggle. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re never going to be able to lose weight and keep it off. I know what it’s like to be so frustrated and so ashamed of the way you look and feel. I know what it’s like to not have the energy to get through the day. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and not even recognize yourself.

And I also know what it’s like to finally make a change. I know what it’s like to do the research and to really understand the science behind weight loss. I know what it’s like to find something that actually works. I know what it’s like to lose 40 pounds and keep it off. I know what it’s like to have so much energy that it feels like I’m 20 years old again. I know what it’s like to feel confident and comfortable in my own skin. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and LOVE the way I look.

And that is truly what I want for you too. Because I know that if you’re reading this blog, then you’re probably struggling with your weight in some way. And maybe you’re feeling frustrated, or overwhelmed, or just not sure where to start. Or maybe you’ve already started your weight loss journey, and you’ve seen some progress, but you’re also struggling to stay on track and stay motivated. Or maybe you’re not seeing the results you want right now, even though you feel like you’re doing everything right. Maybe you feel like there’s something you’re still missing. Or maybe you’re just not sure if you can really do it.

But I’m here to tell you that you absolutely can. You just have to start by changing the way you think.

So let’s talk about that.

The power of your thoughts

Because I really can’t state this strongly enough: When it comes to losing weight and getting healthy, your mindset is everything.

In fact, I would argue that it’s the most important factor in your success. Because the reality is that your thoughts create your reality. What you think, you become. What you believe, you achieve. And the stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you’re capable of have a direct impact on your ability to actually reach your goals.

And I know that might sound a little bit woo-woo, but it’s actually backed by science. There’s a whole field of study called cognitive psychology that focuses on the way our thoughts and beliefs influence our behavior and actions. And what they’ve found is that our thoughts are incredibly powerful, and that the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves have a huge impact on our lives.

In fact, there’s a concept in cognitive psychology called “cognitive distortions,” which are basically irrational or unhelpful thoughts and beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world. And these cognitive distortions can be incredibly damaging, and can hold us back from reaching our full potential. Things like all-or-nothing thinking, or catastrophizing, or overgeneralizing, or labeling. And we all do it, whether we realize it or not.

And when it comes to weight loss, these cognitive distortions can be especially pervasive, because we’ve been conditioned by society and the diet industry to believe so many damaging and unhelpful things about our bodies and our weight. We’ve been told that we’re lazy and undisciplined. We’ve been told that we just need to eat less and exercise more. We’ve been told that it’s all about calories in, calories out. We’ve been told that we just need to find the right diet, or the right weight loss program, or the right magic pill. We’ve been told that it’s not our fault, and that we just need to keep trying, and that if we’re not successful then there’s something wrong with us.

And all of those things are cognitive distortions. They’re not true. And they’re not helpful.

Because the reality is that if you want to be successful in losing weight and getting healthy, you have to start by changing the way you think. You have to start by identifying and challenging all of those unhelpful and irrational thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back. You have to start by retraining your brain to think in a different way. You have to start by changing the stories you tell yourself about yourself and your weight.

And I know that’s easier said than done. I know that it’s not something that happens overnight, and I know that it’s not always easy. But I also know that it’s possible. And I know that it’s worth it.

Because when you can change your mindset and the way you think, you can literally change your life. And that’s why I wanted to spend some time today talking about some of the most common cognitive distortions that I see women struggling with when it comes to losing weight and getting healthy, and how to start challenging and changing those thoughts and beliefs.

The ONE thing you need to do to avoid weight loss failure

So what is the ONE thing you need to do to avoid weight loss failure? It’s actually pretty simple. You need to change the way you think. You need to change your mindset. You need to start being more aware of your thoughts and the stories you’re telling yourself, and you need to start actively working to challenge and change the unhelpful and irrational beliefs that are holding you back.

Because the reality is that your thoughts create your reality. What you think, you become. And if you’re constantly thinking and telling yourself that you’re a failure, or that you’ll never be able to lose weight, or that it’s too hard, or that you’re not strong enough, or that you don’t have enough willpower, then guess what? You’re right. Because you’re literally creating that reality for yourself.

But the good news is that you have the power to change your thoughts and change your reality. You have the power to be more aware of the stories you’re telling yourself, and to start actively working to challenge and change those stories. You have the power to retrain your brain and create new, more helpful and empowering beliefs.

But I also know that all this mindset stuff can feel really intangible sometimes, and hard to know how to actually apply it to your life. So let’s talk about how to do that, in a really practical way.

Be more aware of your thoughts

The first step in changing your mindset is to simply be more aware of your thoughts. And this might sound really obvious, but the truth is that most of us go through our days on autopilot, not really paying attention to the thoughts that are running through our heads. We just accept them as true, without ever really questioning them.

But the reality is that we have thousands of thoughts every single day, and many of them are not helpful or empowering. In fact, studies have shown that the majority of our thoughts are actually negative. And so if we’re not actively working to be more aware of our thoughts, then we’re just allowing all of that negativity to take over and influence our behavior and actions.

So the first step is simply to start paying more attention to your thoughts. You can do this by setting aside a few minutes each day to just sit quietly and observe your thoughts. You can also try journaling, or using a tool like the thought record, which is a cognitive behavioral therapy tool that can help you to identify and challenge your unhelpful thoughts. And the key here is just to be a neutral observer of your thoughts, without judgment. Don’t try to change anything, just notice.

Identify your cognitive distortions

The next step is to start identifying and becoming more aware of your cognitive distortions. And like I mentioned earlier, cognitive distortions are basically irrational or unhelpful thoughts and beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world. And the first step in changing them is simply to be able to recognize them when they come up.

So what are some of the most common cognitive distortions that I see women struggling with when it comes to losing weight and getting healthy? Well, there’s a lot of them, but I want to talk about a few of the big ones that I see all the time.

The first one is all-or-nothing thinking. This is when we have a tendency to see things in black and white, and to view any small misstep or mistake as a total failure. We tell ourselves things like “I already blew it, so I might as well just keep eating,” or “I can’t believe I ate that, I’m such a failure.” And this type of thinking is incredibly damaging, because it leads to self-sabotage and gives us an excuse to just give up. But the reality is that no one is perfect, and one small misstep does not mean that you’ve failed. It just means that you’re human.

The second cognitive distortion that I see a lot is catastrophizing. This is when we have a tendency to blow things way out of proportion, and to assume that the worst possible outcome is going to happen. We tell ourselves things like “I’ll never be able to lose weight,” or “I’ll always be fat,” or “I’m going to die of a heart attack.” And this type of thinking is not only incredibly damaging to our self-esteem, but it’s also just not true. The reality is that you CAN lose weight, and you CAN get healthy, but you have to start by changing the way you think.

The third cognitive distortion that I see a lot is overgeneralizing. This is when we take one negative experience or outcome, and then apply it to everything. We tell ourselves things like “I tried that one diet and it didn’t work, so I’ll never be able to lose weight,” or “I gained a pound this week, so I must be doing everything wrong.” And this type of thinking is incredibly damaging, because it doesn’t allow us to see the bigger picture, or to learn from our mistakes. It just keeps us stuck in a negative thought pattern.

The fourth cognitive distortion that I see a lot is labeling. This is when we use negative labels to describe ourselves or others, without any real evidence to back it up. We tell ourselves things like “I’m such a fat slob,” or “I have no willpower,” or “I’m just a lazy person.” And this type of thinking is incredibly damaging, because it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep telling yourself that you have no willpower, then guess what? You won’t have any willpower. But the reality is that willpower is not something you either have or you don’t. It’s a skill that can be developed and strengthened, but you have to start by changing the way you think.

So those are just a few of the most common cognitive distortions that I see women struggling with when it comes to losing weight and getting healthy. And like I said, there’s a lot of them, and we all have our own unique set of distortions that we tend to fall into. But the first step in changing them is simply to be able to recognize them when they come up.

Challenge your distortions

And that brings me to the next step, which is to start actively working to challenge and change your cognitive distortions. Because the reality is that just being aware of them is not enough. You have to actually do the work to challenge and change those thoughts and beliefs.

So how do you do that? Well, there’s a few different strategies that you can use, and it really depends on the distortion and how it’s showing up for you. But one of the most powerful tools that I’ve found is something called the 4 question framework. And this is a tool that was developed by Byron Katie, who is a well-known author and speaker in the personal development world.

And the way it works is that whenever you have a negative thought or belief, you ask yourself 4 questions:

Is it true?

Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

Who would you be without the thought?

And then you also do what’s called a “turnaround,” which is basically looking for evidence that the OPPOSITE of your thought is true.

So let me give you an example of how this might work in practice. Let’s say you catch yourself thinking “I’ll never be able to lose weight.” The first question you would ask yourself is “Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true?” And the answer is probably no, because the reality is that there are plenty of people who have been able to lose weight, including me! So that’s the first step.

And then you would ask yourself “How do I react, what happens, when I believe that thought?” And the answer is probably that you feel really defeated and hopeless, and that it makes you want to just give up. And that’s not a very helpful reaction, is it? So that’s the second step.

And then you would ask yourself “Who would I be without that thought?” In other words, if you didn’t believe that you’ll never be able to lose weight, how would you feel and act differently? And the answer is probably that you would feel more motivated and hopeful, and that you would be more likely to actually take action. And that’s a pretty big deal, right? So that’s the third step.

And then the final step is to do a turnaround, which is basically looking for evidence that the OPPOSITE of your thought is true. So in this case, you might look for evidence that you ARE capable of losing weight. And that evidence could be things like the fact that you’ve lost weight in the past, or that you know other people who have been successful, or that you’re reading this post right now and educating yourself. And so that’s the final step.

So that’s the 4 question framework, and it’s a really powerful tool for challenging and changing your cognitive distortions. And like I said, there’s a lot of other strategies that you can use as well, but I find that this one is a great place to start.

Practice self-compassion

The final step in changing your mindset is to practice self-compassion. And this might sound a little bit cheesy, but the reality is that we are often our own harshest critics, and that our negative self-talk can be incredibly damaging to our self-esteem and our ability to reach our goals. And so it’s really important to be kind and gentle with yourself, and to treat yourself with the same love and compassion that you would offer to a friend who is struggling.

So what does that actually look like in practice? Well, it means being more aware of your inner dialogue, and making a conscious effort to speak to yourself in a more positive and empowering way. It means giving yourself permission to not be perfect, and to make mistakes. It means celebrating your wins, no matter how small. It means taking care of yourself, and practicing self-care. It means setting healthy boundaries and not allowing yourself to be mistreated or taken advantage of. It means surrounding yourself with people who lift you up and support you. And it means being patient and understanding with yourself, and allowing yourself the time and space to grow and change.

And I know that this can be really hard, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime being hard on yourself. But the reality is that self-compassion is a skill that can be developed and strengthened, just like any other skill. And the more you practice it, the easier it will become, and the more it will start to change the way you think and feel about yourself.

In fact, studies have shown that self-compassion is a key factor in overall well-being and happiness, and that people who are more self-compassionate are better able to cope with stress, have stronger relationships, and are more resilient in the face of challenges. And those are all things that can be incredibly helpful when it comes to reaching your weight loss and health goals.

Final Thoughts

So let’s recap: In order to change your mindset for weight loss success, you first have to become aware of and challenge your cognitive distortions. Then, you must actively work on changing those thoughts and beliefs through tools like the 4 question framework. And finally, you must practice self-compassion in order to truly support yourself on this journey.

But it’s important to remember that changing your mindset is a process and it takes time. And you should also know that it’s harder to change your mindset when you’re doing this all on your own. That’s one of the big reasons why I created my TAS program—to provide the necessary support you need not just to EAT differently, but to actually THINK differently. It’s not about handing you a bunch of meal plans and sending you on your way, it’s about actually helping you change the way you think about yourself and about food and about your entire health journey.

And it’s so powerful, which is why we have such an incredible success rate.

And if you’re at the point in your life where you are ready to make a change, then I can’t encourage you strongly enough to join TAS. Because there really is nothing like it, and it will change you.

If you want to find out more about how it works and how to get started, you can access my free training HERE. It will walk you through it all, and it’s really good and really helpful.

I’ll put it in the show notes too!

So that’s all I’ve got for you today, friend.

But keep going, be kind to yourself, and trust in your ability to make lasting changes. You got this! Never let anyone stand in the way of your success, especially not yourself. Keep challenging those negative thoughts and beliefs and replace them with positive ones. And always remember to practice self-compassion along the way. You are capable of achieving amazing things, so don’t give up on yourself. Because I definitely have not!